Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
