I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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