my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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