i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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