Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
