i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
