He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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