Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
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