I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
