apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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