hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
