his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
