We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
