Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
