i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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