Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
