i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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