we're blogging at a bar
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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