Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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