My first STD was from a foam party
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
