I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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