He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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