I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
