Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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