my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
