Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
