I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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