wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
