he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
