So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
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i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
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I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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