similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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