my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize