my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
