At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
