RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
