The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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