so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
