you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I need to stop coming to work sober
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
