I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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