I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
