Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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