OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
