ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups