I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
