Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
