I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
