she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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