i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Drake has all the answers
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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