Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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