Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
