So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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