If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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