yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
