Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
