We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
