Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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