omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
