Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
