Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
