My room smells like vodka and shame
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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