He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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