the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
