i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
