I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
