i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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