I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Hello my rib-scented angel!
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
