now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
