Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
