So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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